2nd post in ONE day!

I couldn't resist...this is priceless...

Memory Lane With Jimmy

I was honored to have The Mythical (and Magical) Mr. Richert as a chauffeur again today. He took me grocery shopping, to the recycle bins where he totally dumpster dove and found moving boxes!!, Then we went to Plum Borough.

See, there's this car and I called about it and he said "Let's go see it now...wanna?"

His casual attitude and willingness to drive my ass all over the place and listen to me stress and ramble have been unparalleled. As it turned out, the house was right by my old grade school in my old neighborhood. It was a bitter sweet walk down memory lane. We passed Burger King hill and saw the YMCA. We passed the Wendy's that my dad used to have me go to get him bacon cheeseburgers. We drove by the fire hall and the beer distributor. There's a lot of new stuff there now. There's a lot gone. He told the guy selling the car that he was just "eye candy". It was a promising test drive.

He helped me put things in perspective and made me laugh.

Hopefully, I won't need these chauffeur days for much longer...but I'm thoroughly enjoying them while they last. It's amazing to hear a man who doesn't let everything phase him and send him into an irrational rage. Even for things that he could be angry about, such as a customer yelling so loudly that I can hear her, he keeps his calm and wins her over by the end of the call. Seems everyone needs the Mythical Mr. Richert. His phone never stops when he's driving me places, but even when I give him directions over his TomTom, he smirks and goes my way.

Calm is something I often lack right now. It's a blessing to be around it when I'm doing these tasks that I never thought I'd have to do.

Thank you, Curt. I wind up saying it several times every day you drive me around. It just doesn't feel like enough for what you've done for me.

And Wendi, thank you for being so willing to share your man slave with me. I do my best to tire him out for ya.

life

Sitting on my couch
noticing
out the window
black

there

not there

can't catch it


there

not there

what is that?


there

not there

i refuse to look again!


watching intently

I see

a bird

straw in it's beak

building a nest on my front porch


Life

at my house

continues



inside


outisde

fear

it encompasses me
daily
when nothing
is at stake
but ordering a pizza

at it's height now
trying to break me
the voices
that say
I can't do this
haunt me

i have no luxury
to fail
i have no idea
how to do this
work
school
mom

i'm lonely
i'm scared
i pray
for direction
and strength
and wisdom
and peace

today
i'm scared
i'm sad
i'm nervous

my mind entertains
the "what ifs"
i know I cannot
endure

agh
for this brain
to work
in peace
with the soul
that wants to trust

i want to have faith
security

so much to consider
so little to do now

leaps of faith
they are called

i feel i was pushed

Goodwill and such...

My lawyer advised me to try and work on a deal with Michael. She said retracting my request for support is ok as long as we know what we want instead. So, I will walk up to the court house tomorrow morning and give them a letter to do just that.

I'm trying to trust that God's hand must be in this...as nothing else has worked so far. He is to have his lawyer draw up a proposal and he will give it to my lawyer for us to review. After that, we will have it made legal by some Westmoreland County magic of some sort.

I'm hoping this will happen quickly because everything else I need to do is dependent on this paperwork being done.

My lawyer says it's an act of goodwill on our part and we should give it a try.

ok

It's not exactly how I expected things to go down, but I'm willing to try to work with it and see it through.

I know everyone will say I'm insane but she thinks it's the right thing to do. I gotta trust her...and him.

One thing at a time...

This weekend I applied to college in the fall. EEK! I'm not sure if that will pan out or not, but I had to take that leap and give myself a chance to see if I can do it. I also shot my, freshly done resume out to several businesses and ads from the Sunday paper's want ads. I'm really not sure where God is going to take me. If I'll be a full time worker, part time student, full time student, part time worker. It's scary. A lot to take on at one time. I want to be a positive example for my kids. I need to be able to show them that I can do this and be ok.

I crash hard every few days. I hope in time that the crashes will be less frequent.

I cannot say enough about the wonderful friends I have supporting me. It's been such a blessing to receive encouragement and support from all corners of the world...literally!!!

It's been that prayer and support that has kept me from staying down. It's what has brought me back to my feet. I'm blessed beyond words. "Thank you" seems so trivial in light of the effect these people have made on my life right now.

I'm tired and I try to focus on the most important task at hand at any given moment. When I allow myself to scatter my thoughts, it's too overwhelming.

Wednesday is the support hearing. He wants for me to retract my request for support, and work on a deal. I am waiting to hear from my lawyer if this is smart or insane.

So far, no car, no job, no sure place to live. But tomorrow my 12yo will wake me up by opening my door and singing to me. My 10yo will help me make dinner. My 7yo will read his book to me. Those will be the most important things in my day. Those will be the things that help me focus. They will continue to be my motivation to be the best mom I can be...no matter what...

Caleb's duck shaped bruise

Yeah, this is old but it's still good. Hehehe...

Leslie needs...

I got this on Facebook and it was so hysterical that I had to post it here too. It's fun...give it a try!

Type your name into Google with the word needs in quotes. For example: "(your name here) needs". Write the first 10 results in a post.

1) Leslie needs a fat reality cheque

2) Leslie needs to catch up with Obama web savy campaign

3) Leslie needs to learn to stop trying to de everything at once... Probably true!

4) Leslie Needs Lots of Attention

5) Leslie needs a home

6) Leslie Needs More People

7) Leslie needs only to win the Twin Cities Marathon in Minneapolis, Minnesota on October 2nd.

8) LESLIE, Needs some love, good project for guitarist!!

9) Leslie needs people like you to do some meaningful work

10) Leslie needs you to prance in one of those (academy uniforms again ;-))

heh heh heh

Lord knows...

Lord knows that I am trying. I refuse to fall into this "bitch" persona of the ex-wife. I am tired. I am livid. I am doing my best to do the things necessary for my sons.

So, let me tell you a little story that shows what I'm dealing with.

I got a call yesterday morning asking (again) why the bank shows one balance and I say there is a -20 balance. I explained (again) that some things haven't cleared yet. Some things are auto drafted. You have to have the money available in the bank for the due date of those things.

I told him that I was depositing a $200 check that my sister gave me as a loan. With that money, I would transfer 175 of it to open my new checking account. I'd leave 25 to cover the negative balance that would occur if everything outstanding would come out.

He told me not to touch that account. That I had no business in it. I said that I was still on it and he cannot tell me that. I said this would effect my credit too if things overdrafted and I am taking care of it.

I decided to deposit $50 into the joint checking because the boys needed valentine cards for school. I told him I did this.

He took the boys for valentines. Zack was not happy about the ones he got. He said the ones he really wanted had 16 in each pack and dad wasn't willing to buy him two packs.

When I checked the joint account this morning, I became livid.

Not only did he spend almost $50 at Walmart. He spent $17 at EatNPark. To top it off, he spent $110 at a jewelery store.

This means that, when the gas bill is auto drafted, it will overdraft.

So, the new girlfriend will have a VD gift...but the kids won't have heat.

Nice.

I'm seriously not sure how to deal with all of this. I cannot thank you all enough for the support and things you have done for me and the boys.

My life is SO blessed by all of you. Thank you SOOOOOoooooo much. It's days like this, when something rough happens, then I get a call of help and support, that I remember how blessed I still am.

Wendi's "fill in the blanks" thingie.

Outside my window...
is a new window waiting for me.

I am thinking...
in circles.

I am thankful for...
My friends, My kids, My family.

From the kitchen...
The dirty dishes beckon.

I am wearing...
NO PANTS!

I am creating...
a new life for my sons.

I am going...
to get my resume together today.

I am hearing...
a thumping in my head. Not sure if it's my brain trying to get out or what.

I am hoping...
things fall into place soon.

Around the house...
is clutter that will all have to be cleaned up soon enough.

One of my favorite things...
is ice cream.



I'm so damn tired. I can't sleep enough these days. I have my resume to work on today. I don't remember the specific dates that I worked at places anymore. It's been FOREVER. But, I must have something somewhere. I have to call some more apartments. I need to get out of here. Zack is REALLY worried about Kiya. He spent some time crying last night about the probability of losing her. I promised if we can have dogs at the new place, he'll have one. I also promised that if we aren't allowed pets, that he can have a turtle or some other slimy type creature. He needs a pet. I just don't know where Kiya will go yet. :( Anyone know anyone who wants a good, but HUGE dog??? :(

A car, a job, a ride...

I am desperate for a vehicle as Michael has told me that he will no longer allow me to use it for therapy.

He said "I will not be driving your asses around for groceries and things".

asses...implying the kids??? When I asked him, he said he will still take them places.

He's also decided to open his own checking account and not allow me any access to any funds anymore. I asked if he would be giving us any money for food out of the next paycheck and he said he wasn't sure yet.

I NEED to get a job. I cannot get a job until I have a vehicle. Even if someone is willing or able to drive me to RT30 tomorrow morning, and drop me off at the first dealership on the strip, I'll go from one to the next until SOMEONE sells me something.

I am begging help from anyone able to help me.

I need to go to a bank and open my own checking account. I need to go to therapy at 130 tomorrow. I need to go to a car dealership. My family lives too far and Lynn is really the only one able to help...and she already works two jobs, goes to school, and takes care of my mom.

If anyone has any ideas, or is willing to help me until I can get to the support hearing on the 25th, I'd appreciate it VERY VERY much.

I've been blessed

So many people have been so supportive to me and the boys.

I am humbled by the kindness and love I've been shown.

From a free hairdo, to hugs, to movie tickets, to groceries, to rides, to prayers, to listening to me cry.

I cannot thank people enough.

What I can say, is that friends are priceless...and you reap what you sow.