This morning Kiya was not right. She didn't wake the boys up with me. She was laying around more than usual and didn't even sit by the door to be let out. When I called her and opened the back door, she struggled to get to it. She managed to pee, but fell into the table on the deck and stumbled back into the house. Zack noticed right away. Alex too. "Mom, something is not right and you need to take her to the vet", Zack told me. I told him if I didn't notice any difference in her behavior soon, that I would. I gave her an Advil and hoped the red mark under her leg was causing her to be sore and not walk right.
She was in the living room and sort of fell over by the end table. She would not be moved. I put a cover under her head and she didn't do anything for an hour and a half except pant and cry.
My sister was coming out for a day of "fun". When she got here, Kiya wagged her tail but made no effort to greet her. Anyone who knows Kiya, KNOWS she greets EVERYONE! We decided to seek out a vet hospital. Lynn called one and they didn't have any openings in the morning and they referred us to Dr. Beam.
We worked our butts off getting her into the back of Lynn's car. I used a blanket as a sling and helped support her body to get her to "walk" and get into the car.
When we got to the vet, it was over an hours wait. Finally, it was Kiya's turn. She barely budged and was clearly hurting and unable to walk.
The vet took about 2 minutes to feel around and say that she was "covered in cancer". Every lymph node was swollen. The red by her leg was actually a tumor. He said that the cancer had obviously just hit the part of her spine that finally caused her paralysis in her leg. He said he could biopsy it. We could try steroids. We could do chemo & radiation. Fact was, she would probably never recover.
I opted to let her go. I had to.
I did not expect to not bring her back home today.
He gave her a sedative and my sister and I petted her as he administered the last shot.
It was horrible.
As if my boys haven't lost enough. As if this family hasn't been through pure HELL lately...
Zack is devastated. Kiya was "his" dog. She loved all the boys, and all the boys loved her, but they had that connection.
I'm tired of this crap. Seriously tired. We need a break. Something to go our way. Something to give us REAL hope that lasts.
Yeah, I know...I'm supposed to have faith and trust. Well, perhaps I'm doing something really wrong because I'm trying and still failing.
Go ahead, tell me to read Job.
Not in the mood.
I've had enough. Enough for me and on behalf of my sons especially.
I've had enough.
2 comments:
Ah, honey, I am so, so sorry. You're right, you've had enough. I am not going to tell you this too shall pass. Sometimes we just need to cry and have a pity party. You will come out good on the other side, as will your boys. They have a wonderful Mom and she will set the example and get them through. Grief needs to be expressed. Have your day, cuddle the boys and I will put you in my prayers. Love and hugs to you and your sons.
I'm sorry about Kiya. She is as much a part of the family as anyone. She will be missed greatly.
I once read somewhere that we "should not be sad that the person has passed. We should, instead, be happy that we and they were a part of our lives."
This doesn't take away the pain - and shouldn't. You are a wonderful mom and your boys love you. It's never easy and often a struggle to do just the smallest thing. I think that it's a way for us to appreciate the small events that make us smile.
Post a Comment