Oh yeah...

This is him. Ewwwww, didn't I tell you. G R O S S !!!!!

And ES, average??? Really??? Uh, ok...if you say so. ;)

Idlewild

I will post pics later. We have a picnic to go to at my out-laws today. But, I wanted to say, that we had the BEST time yesterday. I'm so glad we actually have people that we ENJOY being around! NGM was thankful that, when he had to spend hours cooking, that he knew I had people to be with. I was thankful too! Kim and Wendi were a HOOT. (Sorry about my "pissy" time)
It was nice to be attacked by Princess later too. Riding the train with Benji was DEFIANTLY a high point. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that little man...like he was my own...just don't tell Alex.
I am SOOOOooooo looking forward to tomorrow with all of you again. I can't believe how NOT sick of you all, that I am. HAHAHA!
You all make my world SO much brighter!!! And funnier. And knockerier. ;)

bla

Not even two more days now. I'm crying at the drop of a hat. It takes nothing at all to create that place of sadness. I've got so many damned questions. None that can be answered. It's not something I really want to go through this week. I'd like to erase Wednesday from the calendar.

I'm in that state of mind, where everything is overwhelming. Nothing feels calm or easy. I don't have the strength to accomplish anything different right at the moment. Maybe soon. I feel like my boat is precariously tipping and I'm about to be submerged. I'm not sure it would be worth seeking the surface again.

I know I sound stupid.

It's just where I'm at right now. A bit confused. A lot lonely (mostly of my own making). Unable to change things. Easily scared.

I miss them both. Very much. I just don't know how to grieve right, I guess.

This is my sister. Not the best photo, I know. She'd had a stroke, so she had that look. She looked beautiful in her casket though. That sounds crazy, but it was true. She looked peaceful, and painless. She held a sign that said "Return to Sender". What a sense of humor. She knew. I didn't believe her.

The horses are still in their boxes. I can't bring myself to open them. I feel like maybe I can do it, then I chicken out. I wish I was stronger. I'm scared my blue dish will be in one of those boxes. I don't want it back. I was supposed to visit to get it.

This is just stupid. So stupid. I can still hear him telling me. I just kept saying "What?". It doesn't feel anymore real today than it did then.

Excuse my random thought process. It's pretty much how my brain is working right now.

5 on the NON list

Carrottop. He may have a nice body, but I just can't get past the personality and hair.



Gilbert Gottfried. Nuff said.



Don King. I have an issue with hair, don't I?



Bob Saget. I also have an issue with people who think they are funny but aren't.



There is a tie for 5th. That is between "Sloth" from The Goonies and "Rocky" from Mask. *shivers*

YIPPIE!

Today, Caleb will FINALLY take a class as a black belt. Awe, I'm just SO excited that he's coming back to TKD. He thinks it's pretty darn cool that he's going to be in the "Master's Club" AND he'll be getting a new uniform with his name on the back. I think he's going to start helping with Tigers. It's where his heart is. He is amazing with the little kids. If he doesn't grow up and become a teacher, I'll be shocked.

I'm proud of my boy. He's getting SO big.

Testing 8/20/08

choices

What is it about choices that bothers me so? Why can't I make decisions for myself? I hate deciding what's for dinner, let alone BIG things. I feel I've allowed myself to get to a place where I forget how to choose for me. I mean, I don't even understand what that means! I go to the hairdresser, and say "Do whatever you want". I say "Let's eat out...where do you want to go?" I hate decision making! Perhaps it's an extension of the "I hate to call anyone" thing. I dunno. What I'm sure of, is that I HATE making choices. I always feel I'm wrong. No matter what I choose. That I should have made a better decision. That I should have tried this or that. How do you make big choices in life when you can't decide what cereal to buy? Maybe it's just my personality. I need a seat on Jimmy's bus.