Yes, it's been forever but my (now 8hr away) friend, Wendi, sparked my interest in saying a thing or two.
If someone ever asked you to go to McDonalds for an hour to ease the mind of a best friend...would you?
Yep, me too.
No matter what.
I'd go.
Some people are so wrapped up in things that the nightmares of others aren't even secondary to their own needs, they are completely last.
Meh
I'm getting used to it.
This whole "alone" thing is not something that people truly understand. If you've never been a single parent, please don't bother telling me about the time your husband went fishing for the weekend and you had to mind your own children for SOOoooo long!
Sigh
I'm not one to complain or allow myself to be bitter, but I do get frustrated with people who either believe they understand, or make it out to be easier than it is.
There are so many things that people don't think about when they are a couple with children...I didn't think of those things either.
Things as simple as being able to make a plan to go dinner with friends becomes an ordeal. For me, in part, this is because my prior "better half" is not extremely accommodating or consistant when it comes to him having the boys.
ONCE in the 11 months he's been gone, he's had them for a full 24 hours.
Imagine that for real.
It's not a matter of a couple never being able to go away for more than 24 hours together. It's not a matter of being trapped in the house as a family. It's a matter of not having more than one day for me in an entire year.
He still picks on me when he comes over. Tells me that "I guess you do ok for someone with your issues". He tells me that he should NEVER be asked to do a load of laundry for the kids. He doesn't want to be a father anymore. He takes them for an average of 8 hours/week.
Yes, I get my breaks when the boys go to school. My "break" is also when I go to school, do laundry (have to go to the laundromat), go grocery shopping, and homework.
It also amazes me how many people have literally walked out of my life. I'm never sure if it's because they feel I complain now too much ( I truly try not to), or if they just don't feel comfortable with me now that I'm single and they're not.
A good portion of the ones still around give me "the look" when I happen to see them...you know the "poor thing" look. Sigh
Yeah, I just went on a rampage about lack of time for myself. But trust me, even if I had time to myself and someone actually wanted to spend time with me, the last thing I want to do is be around someone who looks down on me or pities me.
I'd LOVE understanding and respect for what I'm doing.
I don't need pity or disowned.
4 comments:
I'll spend time with you. Jimmy says that it sucks that you feel that way. While PA Jimmy is now CT Jimmy (which doesn't sound half as cool), he thinks he should stick with Connecticut Jimmy - maybe even Jimmy of New England. Yeah - he likes that.
I'm saddened that you are alone. We miss you and the kids. I wish we could help take the pain/pressure/issue away, but we can't. Only know that Jimmy love is a good love and accepting of everyone - especially good friends who need a hug. (Ok - so being "Jimmynapped" is good too!)
I came across your blog, and even though I am a stranger...no that you are not alone.
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Thank you Lesley, I do appreciate that. John, maybe some other time.
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