I really hate to complain here, but I think I'm done with the stress now.
I think I've been handed enough for a day or two.
From affairs, to divorce, to money worries, to car accidents, to crying children, to the flu, to the 911 incident (don't ask), to taking kids to work with me, to trying to be as strong and self sufficient as possible. From making call after call. Being told that I don't qualify, I can't get that benefit, I need to go here or there. Everyday, EVERYDAY I'm struggling and forcing myself to do so many things that I can barely keep my eyes open. My brain wants to shut down. People ask how I'm so calm.
HA
They don't see me in bed at night...when I'm finally free to lose it.
I am about at my limit.
I'm feeling beyond overwhelmed.
Fact is, no one can take any of it away. Nothing is going to change anything.
I feel I go one step forward and 10 steps back.
Wendi, every damn time I put another lego on the structure, some mean kid knocks it back down and I crumble with it.
I can only be so strong. I'm not feeling very able.
People can say that I am strong, or that I'll be ok. People love to tell me how things will only get better.
Honestly, things are going to get so much worse before there's any hope.
I'm beginning to face that we will lose the house. As much as I don't like the house, I'd do just about anything to maintain that security for the boys. I just don't know how I could possibly do that at my education level.
I hate that I have to take them somewhere else. That I have to move them from their rooms. They are in such upheaval anyway. I just want to give them something solid.
I feel I have nothing to offer.
I've never felt so helpless in my life as a parent.
Yeah, it's been a really rough few days again. I see no sunshine in the near future either.
Hoping for some...but I am not feeling it's even possible.
3 comments:
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and you're in my prayers. I know how tired you get of being told how strong you are, I too am tired of hearing it. Isn't it amazing how others see us? They don't see the times when everything is at the lowest, darkest, most desperate. You have such a great circle of friends that love you. LEAN on them.
Too true. It is at the most distressing of times that you find what you most cherish and it is your guiding beacon out of that deepest, darkest despair.
I can only say that please stay the course. You are there for the boys and we are here for you. It is an unbroken chain that provides support to those who need it.
Our prayers are with you and the boys.
Thank you both. I am blessed with great friends and so many people praying for my family. It's comforting.
Some days are just rougher than others.
I promise, like President Bush, to "stay the course". ;)
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